What do you call a...
WARNING: There's some sick humor here that isn't
politically correct. If you're easily offended, go back now. I won't accept
whining if you proceed.
I've always been a fan of puns and of some sick humor. And this genre of
humor blends them both. I won't ever use this material in a speech, training
session, or with clients. Only friends who appreciate puns and know that I mean
no insult hear these jokes from me. So, if you fall in that category, enjoy
these.
You've probably heard jokes that start with "What do you call a boy with
no arms and no legs who's..." This is an example of writing humor by
looking at a punch line, then writing a joke. There are a dozen classics that lead
off this section and I've been collecting them for quite a while. The ones
marked with a * were written by Molly Leander, a very funny lady, and me after a
day of punning and homonyms with master wordsmith, Greg
Godek. I believe that they are unique to this list. If they don't make
sense, look up the name in the dictionary.
WDYCAGuyWNAANL = What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs...
WDYCAGalWNAANL = What do you call a gal with no arms and no legs...
WDYCAGuyWNAANL? Les
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a swimming pool? Bob
WDYCAGuyWNAANL at the bottom of the pool? Dwayne (drain)
WDYCAGuyWNAANL hanging on a wall? Art
*WDYCAGalWNAANL holding up art? Molly
WDYCAGuyWNAANL laying in front of a door? Matt
WDYCAGuyWNAANL stuffed in a mail box? Bill
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a hole in the ground? Phil
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a pile of leaves? Russell
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in the driveway? Ford
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in the driveway beside him? Jimmy (GMC)
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a wallet? Buck
WDYCAGuyWNAANL who smells like a farm yard? Barney
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in the garden? Pete
WDYCAGuyWNAANL on the side of a hill? Roland
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a bull-fighting ring? Gord
WDYCAGuyWNAANL with a seagull? Cliff
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a fireplace? Bernie
WDYCAGalWNAANL in a fireplace? Ashley
WDYCAGuyWNAANL on stage? Mike
WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's made a spot on the floor? Mark
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a box with his arms and legs? Kit
WDYCAGalWNAANL on a clothesline? Peg
WDYCAGalWNAANL on a tennis court? Annette
WDYCAGuyWNAANL tossed into water? Skip
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in a river? Flo
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a river? Eddy
*WDYCAGalWNAANL floating on a lake? Dorie
WDYCAGuyWNAANL sailing through the air? Flip
WDYCAGuyWNAANL sailing over a fence? Homer
WDYCAGalWNAANL on a fence? Barb
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a pasture? Chip
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in an Irish pasture? Paddy
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL on the top of a mountain? Seymour
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a valley? Rocky
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in tumbling down a hill? Rollin
WDYCAGuyWNAANL holding up a car? Jack
WDYCAGuyWNAANL under a car? Axel
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a clothes closet? Gene (Jean)
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL trying to put someone to bed? Tucker
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a lingerie drawer? Teddy
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a crime? Rob
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL left out in the rain? Rusty
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's being punched? Biff
WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's being punched? Bruce (Bruise)
WDYCAGuyWNAANL covered in sauerkraut? Reuben
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's dressed elegantly? Tony
*WDYCAGalWNAANL who's dressed elegantly? Natty
WDYCAGuyWNAANL with a cut on his face? Nick
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL covered in paint? Hugh (Hue)
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who knows? Ken
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a meat grinder? Chuck
WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's bequeathed? Will
WDYCAGuyWNAANL where people work out? Jim (gym)
WDYCAGuyWNAANL on a railroad track? Spike
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's breathing under water? Gil
WDYCAGuyWNAANL balanced on his stumps? Stan
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL piled in a stack? Rick
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a Christmas stocking? Cole
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL hit with a hammer? Brad
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's dead? Ben (Been)
WDYCAGalWNAANL who's fatally wounded? Diane
WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's looking for animals? Hunter
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a cooking pot? Stu (stew)
WDYCAGalWNAANL in a frying pan? Pam
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in the deep fat fryer? Crispin
*WDYCAGalWNAANL who's a side to Indian food? Nan
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a Sushi bar? Morris Aky (More Sake)
WDYCAGuyWNAANL attacked by a cat? Claude
*WDYCAGalWNAANL attacked by a cat? Claudette
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL six feet under? Barry (Bury)
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL at sunrise? Don
*WDYCAGalWNAANL at sunrise? Dawn
WDYCAGalWNAANL at sunset? Eve
*WDYCAGalWNAANL who's always late? Terri
*WDYCAGalWNAANL who's gossiping? Catty
WDYCAGuyWNAANL hit by lightening? Rod
WDYCAGuyWNAANL tied to an antenna? Guy
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL with studs in his ears and other places? Pierce
WDYCAGuyWNAANL on a grill? Frank
WDYCAGalWNAANL on a grill? Patty
*WDYCAGalWNAANL who is a grill? Barbie
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a valise? Casey
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in a valise? Carrie
WDYCAGuyWNAANL carried by a woman? Percy
WDYCAGuyWNAANL who pretends he has arms and legs? Josh
WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's thirsty? Wilt
WDYCAGalWNAANL on the beach? Sandy
*WDYCAGalWNAANL on the beach? Shelly
*WDYCAGalWNAANL who thinks she's a window? Clare (clear)
*WDYCAGalWNAANL spread on bread? Marge
*WDYCAGalWNAANL who's very small? Tina
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's very small? Tad
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's trying to break into a car? Jimmy
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in court? Suze (Sues)
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's naked? Barret (Bare it)
*WDYCAGalWNAANL who's naked? Fanny
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in church? Mary ('marry' - this is only funny if you take away
her arms and legs!)
*WDYCAGalWNAANL writing her name in the snow with pee? Dot
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in an Easter basket? Bonnie
*WDYCAGalWNAANL stuck in a tree? Robin
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL stuck in a tree? Jay
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL falling from a tree? Leif
*WDYCAGalWNAANL stuck on a Christmas tree? Angel
WDYCAGalWNAANL in a pond? Lily
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a bottle? Jack, Johnnie
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in a bottle? Jeannie, Sherry
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a spice rack? Herb
*WDYCAGalWNAANL soaking in cream? Peaches
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL hanging from the ceiling? Chandler
WDYCAGalWNAANL hanging from the chandelier? Crystal
WDYCAGalWNAANL on a lamp? Tiffany
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a lamp socket? Bub (Bulb)
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's stuck in an electrical outlet? Jacques (shocks)
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL on the phone? Colin
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in Texas? Austin, Dallas
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in the Army? Warren
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL bit by mosquitoes? Bugsy
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL glued down? Elmer
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who talks like Foghorn Leghorn? Isaiah (I say, I say uh...)
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's covered in snot? Hank
WDYCAGuyWNAANL with a bad cough? Fleming
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's hirsute? Harry
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who's an TV actor? Cameron (camera on)
WDYCAGalWNAANL in a vase? Rose
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in a little vase? Violet
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a vase? Bud
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a safe? Rich
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in a safe? Jewel
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in a jewelry box? Pearl, Ruby, Opal
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a jewelry box? Emeral (emerald)
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL tied to a gift? Beau
WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a coffee cup? Joe
*WDYCAGalWNAANL in Las Vegas? Bette
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in Las Vegas? Chip
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a lottery? Drew
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL who wants to make love? Randy
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL with a hooker? John
*WDYCAGuyWNAANL in a wheelbarrow? Carter
WDYCAGal with no feet? Peggy
WDYCAGuy with only half his legs? Neil
WDYCAGal with one leg? Eileen
WDYCAGal with no legs? Noleen
WDYC an Oriental gal with one leg? Irene
*WDYC an Oriental gal with no legs? Noreen
WDYCA Hispanic gal with no legs? Consuelo (Can sway low)
WDYCAGuyWNAANL hanging on a wall? Art
WDYC his arms and legs on the wall? Pieces of Art
WDYC it if he's missing his tongue? Tasteless Art
WDYC two GuysWNAANL in the water? Swimming trunks
WDYC two GuysWNAANL in an accident? Rex
WDYC two GuysWNAANL hanging over a window? Curt 'n' Rod
WDYCA cow with no legs? Ground Beef
WDYCA cow with two legs? Lean Ground Beef